More Chuck Norris Jokes

#1 When Chuck Norris plays monopoly it affects the world economy

#2 Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale

#3 Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird

#4 One of things Chuck Norris will not roundhouse kick is time; unless it tries to tell him what time it is.
#5 America isn't a democracy it's a Chucktatorship

#6 To eliminate obsolete pennies Chuck Norris stretches them into $5 bills since Lincoln is on them both anyway.
#7 If you work in an office with Chuck Norris don't ask him for his three hole punch.

#8 Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip

#9 Dynamite was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure his indigestion

#10 Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter and blow bubbles with beef jerky

The Kite and the Key

You have probably heard of the story about Ben Franklin and how he caught electricity with a kite and a key. Well the story started like this oh wait sorry my name is Jim and I am your narrator for today. So back the story.

It all started on an ordinary school day. Thomas lived four houses down the right and across the street from a rick man named Benjamin Franklin. Thomas lived in a middle class house and has the of a professor at PUFTFI which stood for Philadelphia University For The Future Inventors.Thomas really hated that there was only candles to light up his house.

One day during a lesson his favorite student Thomas E. gave him an idea of somehow catching the brightness of lightning. But all he came up with was that lightning is attracted to medal.Finally at around midnight that night he went home.The next morning the idea hit him "What if i flew a kite with a medal frame and a medal wire during a lightning storm and at the end put a key and catch the power in a glass bottle" said Thomas very excited.

He got to work very early that morning and when he got there he wrote down his idea on a piece of parchment and stuffed it in his pocket. The school day went by very slowly and then it was finally time to go. On his way home he tripped and sliced his knee open so he quickly ran home and cleaned t up. He was done bandaging his knee to find that his blue prints for his project was gone. "It must of fallen out when I tripped. He searched all evening but no luck.

Over at the Franklins he was scanning the piecing of parchment he fund in the street. Lucky for Ben there was a huge lightning storm tat night but Thomas still had the idea in his head. On his way to the tallest hill in town to find Benjamin Franklin soaking wet flying a kite with a key. Horror struck Thomas sat there and watched Mr.Franklin catch a crackling stream of power into a glass bottle. The next day there was a huge celebration for Ben and he was twice more rich than he already was. After a while Thomas grew old and died but one weird thing was that Ben too his job and someone told him that Thomas .E and Ben spent an awful lot of time together.

Chuck Norris Jokes

#1 Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra and after five days of excruciating pain... the cobra died.

#5 The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris's age is to cut him in half and count the rings.

#7 Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee never actually fought off screen if they had the world would be imploded and we would all have been vaporized.

#8 Chuck Norris died ten years but the grim reaper is afraid to tell him.

#10 Chuck Norris tamed the first dinosaur.

#11 Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light not because he is afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Communications

Communications is okay. It isn't the worst selective i have taken, and it isn't the best! We have been on the computers for a long time now. I think in May we get use our cell phones, but I'm not quite sure. My teacher, Mrs. Moyle is really nice. I wished she didn't change her name when she got married because I have called her by her original name she used to have. We got to send three emails, one to a friend, parent, and teacher, in paper air plane form around the room!!! This class is okay so far. :-)

15 things I want to do before I'm 15

1. Get straight A's on a report card
2. Get contacts
3. See all my friends from Cedar Rapids
4. Get braces
5. Get braces off
6. Get the 4G phone from Sprint
7. Get over my stage fright
8. Stay up 48 hours
9. Get my mom close to getting a pet
10. Have a friend now
11. Go to New York
12. Have a different hair color
13. Read the Brothers Grimm
14. Cook something without burning down the house
15. Go to California

Perfect

Your perfect smile

makes me stare

at your for a while.

Your perfect sparkling eyes

is like watching

the sunrise.

My Backyard

Take a trip to my backyard we have tons of wild grass to explore! Your kids will be safe in our safety sandbox play house its big and it has many safari swings. You can watch deer eat our plants
and we have animal watch, animals walk by. so come on down to my Back Yard. We also have soccer week but reserve today because of snow we are closed but you can still see the grand opening!

The World

I have one question that no one has answered. Will the world ever end? I mean no one knows. Some scientists say " Well of course!" Others say "Nonsense!" So, What is the answer? Will it or not?
Please comment!

School

S tudy lots
C ause
H ow do you know that you wont get an F
O n a test that you had
O nly forever to work on during
L ots of study hall time!!!

ITBS

ITBS wasn't hard for me. I've done this in three states, South Carolina, Tennessee, and of course Iowa. In South Carolina it's called PACT. Palmetto Achievement Challenge Test. In Tennessee it was T-CAP. Tennessee Challenge Achievement Program.So I am pretty used to this, except we had to take all main subjects!!(including Social Studies!)I hate doing the Social Studies it is sooo hard.

I hope I got good scores this years!:-)

Ode to Baseball

Baseball, baseball what
would I do without
you, you keep me entertained
all winter and summer long.

I wouldn't rather do
anything else, your so fun to
play, and you never get boring,
Baseball is all I want to do.

You keep me entertained, you
also keep me active and
give me exercise and keep
me healthy

Baseball I love you so much
I don't know what
I would do without you, life
would be boring and duller
than an unsharpened pencil,
Baseball I love you so much!

The Car Accident

It was the day before Easter, 2006, the worst day of my life.

"AW MAN!" called out Dad. We came running outside. There was a squirrel nest in the engine of Mitzi, our 2003 Mitsubishi Montero.
"We'll take her to Mema's And take the nest out before it catches fire. Then we'll go get candy." Buying candy and going to Mema's were the two things we never got to that day.
"Dad can I drive Mitzi out in the field at Mema's?" I asked.
"If we can get to it," he replied.

We drove down Hickman like we always do. Red light. We had stopped just before the interstate. Green light. Mo inched forward a little but stopped.
"I thought that guy was gonna go," she mumbled. Then she went. We got up to 35 and I heard a deathly scream. Needless to say that was all of us screaming. That's because the Blue Ford Explorer had just pulled in front of us blaring his horn.
CRUNCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All I thought was "I'm gonna die. This is the end...... Good-Bye."

Our lives didn't quite flash before our eyes. There wasn't time for it to. Next thing I know I'm stumbling away from Mitzi screaming, "WHY US!!!???" I turned to the driver of the Blue SUV. "You could have hit someone other than us you know!!!" Silence. His grandson turned around and puked all over. My shoulder dripped blood. When we had hit them they spun out of control. We however, went flying through the air.

Eventually they took us all to the Emergency Room and got us taken care of. My bleeding arm, dad's "ripped to shreds" knees, mom's eyes and nose, so on and so forth. We went to mom's room and she told me the most devastating news. since I didn't remember anything I was so mad, it was pretty amazing. She had told the cops that someone was about to hit him so he pulled out and we hit him so that he wasn't at fault. At least now I know where I got the quick thinking. We sat in silence before I broke it.

"Dad?"

"Yes?"

"I guess I didn't get to drive Mitzi at Mema's, did I. We didn't get candy either."

Like I said, the next day was Easter. I just sat on the couch and watched Safire and Stryker pick up candy as I went through the other stuff that I got like a crisp 10 dollar bill and a new pair of shorts with a blue collared T-shirt.

"Steele, you need to help them pick up candy!" said my mom.

"No," I said "I'll wait until they're done and pick up what they left behind. My arm hurts and I'm still mad at what happened yesterday. Just leave me alone. I don't care."

"Fine. Whatever. Suit yourself."

That was officially the worst day ever.

Contacts

I got contacts on 1/16/10.It was mt first time with contacts in my life.When I first got them in the eye doctor made me take them back out then put them back in to make sure that I could take them out and put them in.


I don't know why but it is harder to put them in than to take them out! Most people would think it is harder to take them out because you have to pinch the contact in your eyeball.


Sometimes I forget when I get in the shower or go to bed to take them out!! They take some getting used to, but other than that I LOVE CONTACTS!!

Pit Bulls

I don't get it! why do people think pit bulls are so cruel? I agree and disagree. I agree because some pit bulls can be mean, like if they were fighting dogs but most of those dogs can be trained to be nice and gentle. But most pit bulls are sweet and kind. Trust me, my best friend has 5 pit bulls. I go over there ALL the time! A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE EVIL!! THEY ARE NOT EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Thanks for reading!

Flagnog Pie

There was a pie, chocolate, pumpkin, pecan, NO!!!! It was flagnog pie. Somewhat like cow pie, but way, way worse. It smells a billion times worse than cow pie does. It once has has smelled so bad that the entire state had to flee the area. Ever since then the entire state has been deserted. How sad would that be. It does not come from cows, or pigs, it comes from nothing! I just made the whole thing up. HA! I can't belive you actually thought that flagnog pie exists. Nah you probably didn't but if you did, then what is wrong with you! If it was real then it would to have come from aliens or some other weird thing. So now cow pies still have the record for weirdest name, or smelliest kind of pie. HA! I did it again. Actually if you ask me I do not know if it has some kind of record. You know I am just so good at gettin you guys, it seems like I am awesomly beast at taht. Not reall but hey i'm a rookie, and still good. Ok not that either but i was right about the whole awesomely beast part you know that right good, cause if you don't then you should.

Hot Coco

After three hours out side you go in, turn on the hot pot. Grab a flowered mug and spoon grab your hot coco and your ready to enjoy. When you start to drink you turn into a volcano. Smoke comes out of your ears, and you are in flames. Then you wait a bit, you take a sip and its not as hot. You taste the creamy chocolate on your tongue. The marshmellows melt in your mouth. The heat thaws out your body as you finish your hot coco. Thats what I like about the winter.

By Ben D

Beanstalk and the Jack

Hi. My name is beanstalk, you might remember me from the foolish children's tale "Jack and the Beanstalk" and honestly, none of that junk the little kid Jack told the press was true, and I am SICK AND TIRED of hearing those dumb climbers tell me about the UNTRUE story Jack told them. But don't worry that is what I'm here for... to tell you the real story.

The Real Story

So one day, me and my little seed buddies were just hanging out, laughing at the bruised apples. When right then and there some freak came and scooped and handful of me and my friends up and would not let us down. At this point, I was screaming my head off, "HEY! LET ME OUT OF HERE! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE! THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY!" But my mysterious kidnapper would not let us down. Then we were sliding " WOAH!".

When I finally realized that we were in a sack, I was MAD.

"Hey guys can you believe this freak?!"

I waited, but no response came.

"Guys?"

Still no response.

"Uh-Oh..."

Could it be possible? No. It couldn't be. Were my best friends, gulp, DEAD? That's when I fell asleep.

When I woke up, It took me two hours to realize that I was in the ground. One morning two weeks later, I awoke in sunlight. I was now two inches above the ground! Before I knew it, I was 36 feet tall! WOW! And then one day this Jack kid comes up to me and starts climbing... "OWW!"

He tried climbing up and got scared halfway and then slid back to the ground, what a baby, I thought, and the next day It's all over the media.

"little boy climbs beanstalk to find giants at the top"

"Local Child Is Greeted by GIANTS at Top of Beanstalk"

But as I said, none of it is true. But I guess thats what you get for being mean to bruised apples!